id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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