I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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