I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
