Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
