No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
