Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
