he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
