And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
