Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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