so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
