You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
