this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
