Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
