He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
