someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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