dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
organizing the empties. That sober.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
