my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
