never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
