i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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