Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
