Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
