ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
