id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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