i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I supernannyed him into submission
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
