I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
