i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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