I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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