He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
