I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
