be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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