this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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