do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
