and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
