I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
