Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
