I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
