Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
