Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
