they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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