Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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