Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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