im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
