Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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