There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
