It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
