I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
