Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
