you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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