I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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