On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
