What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize