Will you blow on my dice?
Ketchup is God's man juice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
