Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
