I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
