Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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