nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
