We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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