I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
