If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
