Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
