There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need water and some morals
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
