it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
