You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
