and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
