god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
