In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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