Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
