I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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