You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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