it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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