batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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