what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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