Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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