did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
