My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
