so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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