Too much gin, very little bucket
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
