Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
