just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
