My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
