I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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