So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
