She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
