I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
