people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
