Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
