i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
