Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
