dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
