dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
