I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
