I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
