me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
