i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
