Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
