Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
