Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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