Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
