Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
