I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
