WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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