if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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