and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
