My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
